Tip: How To Obtain Super Powers

Monday, June 8, 2009
By WSVNadmin

"The Secret" of tapping into your super powers.

At first I was only going to post this for members only… Then I thought about all the amusing chaos that would ensue if just anyone had access to this information and I couldn’t help but to make all this public.

What most people don’t realize is that they have super powers locked up inside themselves. It is little know ancient secret that humans are the strongest magnet in the universe. By using the laws of attraction, you can acquire anything you desire. To learn more about how to do this, you should use the sinister book of secrets called “The Secret”.

To scare of most adults, the book is printed on paper to look like a pirate’s treasure map. Being convinced that it is nonsense, most sane people will not touch it. But they are wrong to dismiss this book and it’s teachings.

I will give you the short and dirty version. Concentrate on what you want. Think about it long and hard. Visualize that it is yours. Eventually, all of your thoughts will manifest themselves into a cosmic UPS truck containing that for which you have dreamed. Because you now have at least this much information, I say to you this:

Do not purchase the book/movie/audio book/etc “The Secret” or any of its many related products. Instead, visualize that you own the book. Visualize that you are reading/watching it. If that fails, check your neighbors trash can. They sold millions and millions of copies of it with the help of Oprah but they put it in the hands of people far too ignorant to ever harness the power of its ancient wisdom.

Once you will yourself a copy of that book, move on to bigger things (like using your magnetic brain waves to conjure up some toxic waste to help give you super mutant strength). After a little practice, you should be able to will yourself the ability to shoot fire from your eyes or the ability to fly or whatever your super villain heart desires.

Let me us know how it goes.

Tags: ,

2 Responses to “Tip: How To Obtain Super Powers”

  1. Spiralbound

    OMG! This TOTALLY works! I thought it was crap, but just for a laugh on my day off I tried it, and EVERYTHING you said would happen came true! First, I tried getting the UPS truck to show up. That didn’t work, BUT I DIDN’T STOP BELIEVING! So, I checked my neighbors trash bin, after the 46th try I hit GOLD! The cover smelled like rotten bananas but it had the map and everything! I started to read it, but quickly got bored. I already knew the important part anyway! With some practice I was able to achieve RESULTS! As I worked my way through your quick and easy to follow tutorial above, I gained toxic-induced super mutant strength via a too-convenient-to-just-be-an-accident overturned truck on the freeway near my house. (The only side effect of my super strength is an annoying rash – a small price to pay!). Lately, I’ve been feeling my eyes heat up so I KNOW it’s only a matter of time before I get ocular fireballs!! Thanks World Super Villain Network, you’re the BEST!! Once I have my full suite of super villain powers I’ll be applying to join! It’s time to graduate from your guidance, I know I’m READY! I’m heading up to the roof now to will into existence the ability to FLY! I’ll report back after my inaugural flight!

    @Spiralbound (from WSVNadmin)
    Good to hear.

    @Spiralbound (from WSNVadmin)
    It’s been more than 12 months and still no report back. I’m guessing it is safe to assume that Spiralbound was killed or captured.

  2. Random poison

    I obtained my super powers by eating large quantities of bran and then eating the resulting effluvia. It was not as easy as it sounds though. I had to run this through cycle at least 15 times before I could feel the slightest change. After cycle 20, I started to mix additional bran in with the effluvia. I don’t have direct evidence that this accelerated the process, but the change was noticeable roughly at that point.

    @Random poison (from WSVNadmin)
    Note: We do not endorse this method. We have contacted Random Poison to get further details. We are reviewing the detailed journal he kept during the time of these experiments and we hope to share our own review soon.


Leave a Reply